"I totally got this. I read a book on it once."
"How was I supposed to know she was flirting with me?"
"Let me put it this way. I find you boring and your company more so. Have a good day."
"That doesn't make any logical sense"
"You're either very good or very stupid. I don't think you're very good."
"You might want to find a new guard. That other one's kinda injured. And an idiot, but I think that's hereditary."
"A favor here, blackmail there, bribery somewhere else - the usual."
"People like you are why I worry for the fate of humanity."
"The best advice I can give you is to not ask me."
"What do you eat for breakfast? The innocence of children that you destroy?"
"I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh."
"I never make a promise I can't keep."
"Not all ugly ducklings turn into swans. Some just turn into ugly ducks."
"You think you're the best thing since sliced bread, don't you?"